ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
