So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
