90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize