he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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