after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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