Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
