my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
