Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
