no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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