This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
