You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
