They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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