okay pat passed out under dana's car
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
