i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize