If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
