We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
