white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
