just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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