I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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