i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
