Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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