Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize