And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize