My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
