I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
