Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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