So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
