I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
