I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
