I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do herpes really smell.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
