I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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