Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
