I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
