"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
