im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His nipple licking is glorious
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