when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
