I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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