Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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