all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There r osticjed everywhere
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
