Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
