I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
