he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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