and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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