Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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