This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
