no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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