There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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