...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
