so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
