Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
