I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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