just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
