I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
