If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
