i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
