I should be sponsored by Trojan
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
