so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
