Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
