I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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