So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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