She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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