This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
