there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
