we have pet lesbian snakes
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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