drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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