Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Boobs speak an international language.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
