I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
