I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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