no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
