like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
